I was so scared when I went for my first dissolver appointment, in early 2020. Because I had so much filler in my face, I was thinking, This isn’t going to go anywhere, this is going to be here forever. But when the dissolver was injected, my jaw went from swollen-looking to completely back to normal again in about 10 seconds flat. The minute the product hits the filler, it just goes. Basically, the body naturally breaks filler down over time, but injecting this dissolver does something similar in seconds, not months.
Afterwards, I looked in the mirror and I automatically felt like me again – and it was just the best feeling in the world. I hadn’t even realised how much it had been affecting me, how it was making me feel so self-conscious, having all this filler in my face. It’s supposed to be something you do to make yourself feel better, but by the end I was feeling horrendous. The minute I got my filler dissolved, I was so happy.
Thank God, the minute the dissolver was injected, the filler just disappeared, and my face was back to normal again. It was the best feeling in the world.
It was my jaw and cheek filler that I had dissolved first – the lips I left for a while because, again, I didn’t think they looked bad. They took me a bit more time to get to – another year or so – because I wasn’t ready to let go of them. I didn’t have the same regrets about my lips; I actually liked the way they looked and they didn’t bother me. But after some time, since everything else was going natural, I just felt like my big lips could go as well. I really couldn’t picture how I’d look without them, but when the dissolver went in, they flattened instantly and were back to how they’d been before.
It took me a good few weeks to get used to them again. When you’ve become so accustomed to the way you look with all that lip filler, then suddenly go back to how you looked before, it feels weird at first. To be honest, I was mortified; I felt like I had literally no lips. But then I got used to them again, and then they started to look normal to me. That’s another thing I’m now really glad I did.
At first, I didn’t want to talk about the fact that I’d had my jaw and cheek filler removed, because I didn’t want to admit to people that I’d made a mistake. I didn’t want people to know that I’d realised I’d messed up! I remember thinking, I hate the fact that people are gonna think that I’m weak and that I can’t stand by my decisions. So I just didn’t speak about it. I didn’t want anyone to know.
Then when I had my lip filler dissolved, I couldn’t keep doing that, since my lips went from really big to absolutely nothing! So I just decided to be honest and talk about it. And in doing that, I realised how important that was: a lot of people will speak about everything else related to filler, but not a lot of people admit to feeling like they’ve made a mistake with it. I even put up a video about me getting my lip filler removed, which got a lot of views. I think a lot of people just wanted to see what I looked like without any lip filler! But I think others were genuinely interested to see the process and what was involved. In my case, I had to have three appointments altogether to get everything out – two for my face, one for my lips – and I went to a few different people to do so. There are so many practitioners out there who are really good at reversing mistakes.
Honestly, I feel like that’s what a lot of them are known for these days. Filler was so popular a few years ago, and now it feels like a lot of people are trying to reverse what they’ve done. That’s why it’s such a blessing that my filler was reversible. If it wasn’t, I would literally have destroyed my face. (But it’s worth remembering that doctors say even procedures that aren’t supposed to be permanent can have serious, lasting effects, so please always do your research if you’re considering having anything done.)
I really didn’t expect the reaction that removing my filler would get. A lot of people were tweeting about what I’d done, saying, ‘Seeing Molly-Mae do that made me realise that I actually don’t need my filler. I’m going to try to get mine dissolved.’ I also had so many messages from parents, saying this was such a positive thing to be able to show their daughters and to teach young girls that getting filler isn’t necessary. It was a surprise because I didn’t choose to remove my filler for anyone but myself, but I’m really proud that what I did inspired other girls to embrace their natural beauty too.
I will say that my decision to do so was about what was right for me, and I am not telling anyone else to do the same. At first, I loved the results I had with filler – it made me feel more confident and if I hadn’t taken it too far, I might never have had it all reversed. And, so long as you go to someone that knows what they’re doing, and you’re at an age when you’re allowed to do it and you can afford it financially, you might not have any issues with filler. But this is my story, and I messed up using it and eventually had to admit that and address that.
These days, I have absolutely no filler in my lips, no filler in my jaw, nothing in my cheeks. Even though I’ve had those appointments to dissolve it, sometimes I will feel my face and think, I’m sure there’s still a little bit in there … but I think it’s pretty much all gone now. The only thing I’ve got now is a tiny bit of Botox in my forehead – that’s the only thing I have done. For me, it’s all about finding that right balance.
• • •
It felt so right to get rid of my filler, I eventually went back to my natural teeth, too. That was another situation where I told myself, Just do it. The night before my appointment, I almost cancelled! Technically, I hadn’t brushed my real teeth for about two years – disgusting, I know. I was sure they were going to look awful. But, as I always do, I thought, I want to do it, so I’m just going to do it – and I did.
Fortunately, because the layer of composite protected my real teeth, it was fine: there was no actual damage to my natural teeth when the composite was removed. Still, it wasn’t a nice feeling when I looked in the mirror for the first time. It’s a bit like when you have your hair extensions removed; no one else will even notice it but you, but when you’re used to your ‘perfect’ hair and you go back to the old, real version, it looks rubbish. And my teeth did look pretty horrible and yellow at first, because obviously they’d not been touched for two years. I remember telling people, ‘Don’t look at me! No one talk to me!’
But really, I was lucky that my natural teeth were still intact. With veneers, which people sometimes go for to get that bright white look, the dentist grinds the tooth enamel away, so if I had opted for that, it would have been irreversible. After I’d had a bit of time to get used to my natural look again, I was just happy I had any teeth left. Now, I just whiten them, and I feel so much better. I can now see I looked so fake before.
All in all, I feel as if in two years I had aged myself about 10 years. And then, when I had all these things reversed, I felt like a younger me – I looked my age again, which was such a good feeling.
The whole experience of reversing my cosmetic procedures has really been life-changing because it’s taught me how to be happy in my own skin. Even though I was almost resistant to it at first, and scared that I would look bad, making the decision to be more natural has forced me to be comfortable with myself and my body, the way it was intended to be. It was a learning process – one that took time – but ultimately it was a path I’m so glad I followed.
Looking back now at my younger self – at that girl who had all that work done – I’d just say it’s sad, really, really sad. There are pictures of me that I really struggle to look at these days, where I’m so filled that I look like somebody else. And it’s so sad that I felt like that was beautiful and that was what I needed to do to be liked and to be desired.
I wasn’t doing it for myself. I was almost doing it for other people, to get more respect and to be more liked.
It also feels sad to me that so many girls out there are hoping, like I did, to be prettier, looking at other girls and wanting to look just like them. Even these days, I know I look at celebrities and think, I wish I looked like her. But then I remember that some girls probably look at me and wish the same, while there will be girls, in turn, that look at them in the same way … You always want what you don’t have! Back then, that was me: trying to achieve the same look as the girls who I thought were stunning and beautiful, and hoping that other girls would then feel that way about me. But actually, if anything, what I was doing just made me look worse.
I don’t necessarily know if I really would change anything I’ve done, as I’ve learned a lot – and I try to share what I’ve learned with other girls, too. I’d like to think that what I’m doing now is setting a good example to girls and showing them that you really, really don’t need to do the stuff that I did. In documenting how I got my old teeth back, and how I got rid of my lip, cheek and jaw fillers – really stripping it all back – I wanted to show that it’s OK to make mistakes when you’re younger. But that, when you grow up, you’re only going to realise you shouldn’t have done those things!
It’s like when you get a tattoo or a piercing – just remember that in five years’ time, you might not want that tattoo, that piercing … or those lip fillers. That’s why you should wait and be patient and, yes, listen to your mum, listen to your dad, listen to the people around you (like me!) that have made those mistakes already.
Now, I do think young girls wanting cosmetic injections should really be turned away. The technicians should be telling them, ‘Have you really thought about this? Wait a few years for your face to mature.’ In fact, they have now made that the law for teenagers: if you’re under 18, you can’t be injected with Botox or filler in England if it’s for a cosmetic purpose. When I did it, I didn’t even need to bring ID, which I think is worrying. There was no question of being turned away; I just had to pay, sign and get it done – it was the most straightforward thing. What happened wasn’t the fault of anyone injecting me – I just didn’t know where to stop. But some places won’t advise you that they don’t think you need something done. Whereas the places I go to now, for a small amount of Botox or whatever, they will actually say to me, ‘You don’t need to do that.’ They’re not just about making money.
When I look back now, it just makes me cringe that I felt at that age, I needed to do all that.
My fear is that, if I’m lucky enough to have a daughter one day, she would want to do something similar, and I wouldn’t be able to convince her otherwise. I just hope and pray that she would listen to my advice when I say, ‘I’ve been there, I’ve done it, I’ve got the T-shirt. And trust me, when you’re older, you’ll regret doing that!’ Of course, you always think you know best. I definitely didn’t listen to my mum – she could have screamed from the rooftops that I didn’t need to change my face! But I hope my pictures will show girls that it’s not a good idea. Filler isn’t necessarily a bad thing in itself, and I know, for some people, treatments can help them feel more confident, amazing even (although I would always say make sure you go to someone professional with a good reputation). But there’s a definite line – and when you’ve hit that line, you have to stop there, and I didn’t. Even though people were telling me to, I just didn’t.
The problem was I was so not ready and so not informed. I wish I had taken it all much more slowly, that I hadn’t rushed to get injections in my face, to get bigger lips and bigger cheeks. Because there was plenty of time; I didn’t realise it then, but you have so many years to do those things. And if you wait, you might find you don’t want to do them at all …
So, if a young girl told me she wanted a full-face package – or whatever else was on offer – I would just tell her to wait. Wait just a few more years, until you know it’s something that you definitely, definitely want. Do your research. But most of all, stop trying to be something that you’re not. Remember, the way you’re born is completely perfect and individual. You don’t need to try to look like anyone else, because you’re not that person. You are you.
I know I’m not the only person that felt the way I did, so it scares me that other young girls will be feeling the same, and probably doing the things that I did. As cliché as it sounds, I wish I’d accepted then that I was beautiful the way I was.